


Mortification and Adoration

by Peppermin



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pain, Religious Conflict, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, religious trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-19 11:13:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29749641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peppermin/pseuds/Peppermin
Summary: Nick falls in love with Karl. But his upbringing comes back to haunt him.
Kudos: 2





	Mortification and Adoration

Nick yawned, running his hands through his hair. The rain lightly hit his window, he placed his hand on it enjoying the cold feeling. The pc's light illuminated his face in the dark casting sharp shadows on his face. Nick lazily scrolled through twitter. Liking a few pictures of fanart. His phone lit up followed by a sharp ding. Reaching out he pulls it towards him. Slightly tilting it up. A smile crossed his face when he saw it was a message from Karl. He clicked on it.

>Karl<  
HEYY!! Wanna join my stream today?

Nick looked back at his computer eyes glancing over the time. 10 pm. 

>Nick<  
Depends lol, what are you doing

>Karl<  
Messing around on Dream SMP, gonna work on Kinoko Kingdom

Nick sat up opening discord and minecraft. Sleep could wait. He always enjoyed joining Karl’s streams. 

>Karl<  
Ready when you are VC5

Switching tabs to discord he joined VC5. “HELLO!?” Karl loudly exclaimed. “Hey.” Nick responded logging onto Dream SMP.   
“Come to Kinoko Kingdom.” 

“Already on my way there.” Nick said heading towards the new kingdom. Sprint jumping along the way he made it there quickly. All that was there was a half built library and the squid pool. There was definitely a lot of work to do. Karl tossed him a couple of mushrooms and bone meal, “I need you to get me some more mushroom blocks.” Nick groaned but took the items moving to find a dark place to grow them. Someone joined the vc. Quackity’s loud voice rang out “HELLOOOOOOO”.

Nick winced, quickly turning down his sound. “Hey.” Nick greeted back. “QUACKITY!!!!!!” Quackity joined the game as he talked, “What are we doing today, I'm ready to pop off!”   
“Finishing the library!”  
“Yeah, and he's making me do all the work.” Nick chuckled  
“Not true, You should be happy you're on my stream.” Karl said jokingly.

Nick sprinted back to Karl crouching down in front of him. “I’ll do it for a kiss.” Nick said slowly moving closer to him. Karl crouched down as well making loud kissy noises Nick joined in. Quackity rushed over hitting them both. “Hey, Hey, Hey that's my husband!!!” He yelled standing in front of Karl. Nick straightened up hitting Quackity, but instead of using fists like Quackity had he was using his sword. Quackity screamed attempting to run away. Quackity was slain by Sapnap popped up on the screen. Nick loudly laughed taking his stuff. “Give it back!” Quackity yelled. Nick just laughed., only throwing half of his items back.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nick laid in his bed, Karls stream had just ended. The rain had subsided leaving behind small puddles and howling wind. He laid snuggled in blankets, Clay always kept the house cold. Nick scrolled through Twitter, unable to sleep. A picture of Karl crossed his screen. He was in his frog hoodie. Karls fluffy brown hair was slightly tousled. Nick liked it, smiling slightly.

An owl lightly hooted outside. Nick clicked on the tweet, typing out a reply. ‘U look so cute.’ He snickered at the little joke they had going on. The fans seemed to enjoy it. He moved on continuing to scroll. An image popped up. It was a fan art of him and Karl. Karl and him were in each other's arms. Both holding a heart. Written above it was ‘Happy Valentines day’. A pit formed in his stomach. Nick was fine with fanart but seeing him seen shipped with Karl…… Made him feel weird.

It made him nervous. Sure he brought it upon himself by flirting with Karl on streams. But what if people thought he was gay? Nick knew there wasn't anything wrong with being gay. He wasnt homophobic, he fully supported gay people. His mind wandered back to his dad. “You wouldn’t abandon your kid if they were gay, but you’d wonder where you went wrong.” Nick shook his head scowling at the memory turning around. He didn't want to think about his dad right now. Sighing, he reopened his phone. A message popped up at the top of his phone followed by the alert. It was from Karl.

>Karl<  
Hey!Thanks for joining my stream  
>Nick<  
Yeah I did it was a lot of fun, I saw your frog hoodie everyones freaking out about it  
>Karl<  
I don’t blame them it's a bomb ass hoodie

A snap notification went off. Nick clicked it, opening it. It was a picture of karl in the frog hoodie holding up a peace sign. His nails were painted black, the paint slightly chipped. Karls face wore a light smirk. Nick closed it only for him to get another snap. It was of Karl again. This time the lower half of his face was visible. His neck stretched as he tilted his head up. Karls hand slightly pulling down the neck of his hoodie. The caption across the screen read “Look at my nailsssssss.” Nick rolled onto his back tossing his phone to the side. Crossing his arm over his eyes.

Nick gave out a shaky sigh placing his other hand on his chest. He could feel his heart. Moving his arm he dragged his hand over his face shaking his head. “No, no, no, no” he muttered. Sitting up he took his phone closing the snap. He took a deep breath, taking a snap. Looking down at it he noticed a pink tint along his face. Scowling he deleted it. Taking another one, this time his face hidden. Nick quickly typed, “They look nice.” He quickly sent it.  
>Karl<  
Thank you, Goodnight:)  
>Nick<  
Gn:

Nick sighed plugging in his phone and setting it on his nightstand. He layed back down staring at the ceiling. Closing his eyes he rolled over pulling the blanket closer to himself. Sleep slowly crept in and overtook him.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nick’s eyes fluttered open. Instead of his ceiling he was greeted by a bright light. Shielding his eyes he sat up. In Front of him was a long hallway. Multiple doors lined the hallway. Slowly standing up he looked at his surroundings. The floor was a dark grey color. The walls were painted an off-white creamy color. Above him was a recessed light. Nick turned around only to be greeted by the same sight that originally in front of him. Turning back around he had a sudden urge to move forward. Taking a deep breath he moved forward. Slowly making his way down the hallway. All of the doors were the same color of the walls and unmarked. Moving down he reached for the golden brass handle. He attempted to open it, but the handle just jiggled. It was locked. Throwing a quick look behind him, he moved on. 

The hall never seemed to end. It was completely silent. The only sound was Nick’s footsteps. Nick came to a halt. Shivering his mouth became dry. His gut twisted. ‘Run, Run, Run’ was all that filled his mind. He had to run. Moving forward he started to run. Nick didn't know what he was running from. All he knew is that he had to run. Stumbling over himself he sped up. His breathing became heavy. He didn't dare look behind him. He just had to run. Pacing multiple identical doors he saw it. At the very end he could barely make it out, a door. 

A double door. Nick’s eyes widened trying to run faster. Gasping for air he slammed into the door. He pushed it. It didn't open. Panicking he slammed his body against the door again. It still didn't budge. A few tears slipped down his cheek as he pushed against the door. “Please, please please, OPEN!” he pleaded, slamming against the door again.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nick woke up gasping. His heart beating out of his chest. Despite the cold weather he was sweating. Sitting up he groaned pacing his head in his hands. “Stupid, stupid fucking dream…” Nick muttered. He always had this dream. Running away from something. He didn't even know what he was running from. Only to be stuck with no escape. A knock on his door caused him to look up. “Come in.” Nick said his voice laced with sleep. Clay opened the door, “Hey dude you want some breakfast?” Nick nodded, swinging his legs over his bed. Clay left closing the door.

Stretching he stood up. Walking over to his closet he grabbed a random t-shirt replacing his white tank top with it. He didn’t bother changing his shorts. Nick opened his door walking through the hallway. Clay was already sitting at the dining room table. “Food’s in the kitchen.” Clay mumbled through a mouthful of eggs. Nodding Nick moved to the kitchen taking a plate of eggs and bacon. Nick sat down at the table with Clay, “Thank you.”   
“No problem, Also i'm gonna be gone pretty much all day, visiting my mom.”  
“Have fun with that.” Nick said chuckling  
Clay laughed a little, finishing his eggs. Standing up he gave a quick stretch before taking his plate to the sink.  
“I'm gonna go now, don't burn the house down.”  
“No promises.”   
The front door closed. Sighing Nick returned his plate to the kitchen. He gave himself a quick smell, scowling. He desperately needed a shower.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not believe Sapnap has internalized homophobia this is just fiction. This is simply for entertainment purposes.


End file.
